Week 22: Stump Us

Let's Put Teddy Back In The Driver's Seat!

"Dick" Nixon: Because Evil Is Entertaining.

Ross Perot. The Medication Is Working.

Chuck Robb. He Listens to You.

Quayle in '95!

Marion Barry. That Great Sucking Sound Isn't Jobs Going to Mexico.

This Week's Contest was proposed by reader Elden Carnahan of Laurel, who wins a model elephant made entirely of peach pits. Elden feels it is not too early to come up with slogans for the 1996 presidential campaign. The contest is restricted to plausible candidates, but we will be very lenient in our definition of plausible. (Dukakis, sure. Limbaugh, yes. Chuck Smith of Woodbridge, why not? The Energizer Bunny, no. Got it?) The first-prize winner will receive a framed photograph of President Clinton, personally autographed by Tony Kornheiser. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 22, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334-4312. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Aug. 9. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report From Week 19, in which we asked you to change, add or delete one letter of a common name or phrase, and supply a definition for what results.

But first, a personal message to the eleventeen squadrillion winners of T-shirts and other fine prizes who have been bombarding us with inquiries about why they haven't received squat from us, including one man, whom we do not wish to embarrass by naming, who seemed unduly anxious to receive his promised underpants: The T- shirts and most of the other prizes have now been shipped. Thank you for your patience, particularly Ken Sandler of Alexandria, who now has our full, ha ha, support.

Fifth Runner-Up: The Wizard of O - Dorothy follows the road to true happiness. (Rick von Behren, Glenn Dale)

Fourth Runner-Up: One fell snoop - William Sessions. (Bruce Powers, Alexandria)

Third Runner-Up: The Few, the Proud, the Maxines - Lacenecks in combat (Harry Richardson, Laurel)

Second Runner-Up: It's the Economy Stupids - Clinton, Bentsen and Panetta. (Jon Miller, Dumfries)

First Runner-Up: Beverly Sills 90210 - TV series about an overweight opera singer who is her own Zip code. (Bonnie Speary, Bethesda)

And the winner of the Lava-Lite:

Beat me up, Scotty - the last words of Commander James T. "Kinky" Kirk. (Joseph H. Engel, Bethesda, and David J. Zvijac, Annandale)

Honorable Mentions:

George Oh Well - writer who predicted 1984 would be just another year. (Jean C. Clancy, Fairfax)

Candide Camera - in which it is shown that making a fool out of yourself on TV is the best of all possible events. (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

Gergen's lotion - soothes but doesn't cure. (Allen Moore, McLean. Also, Kris Morris, McLean) The Zen Commandments - 1. The following Commandment is false. 2. The preceding Commandment is true. (Paul Sabourin, Greenbelt)

The Great White Hop - Woody Harrelson in "White Men Can't Jump." (Kennon Smith, Glenn Dale)

Four Coroners of the Earth - the cleanup crew for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

George Tush - butt of presidential jokes. (Stu Segal, Vienna)

Hillary Rodham Clingon - the First Lady's latest hairstyle. It features massive centerline part held in place with black spray paint. (Harold Mantle, Darnestown)

National Pork Service - Congress. (Allen Moore, McLean)

New Pork City - Washington, D.C. (Bob Zane, Woodbridge)

Shootout at the U.K. Corral - family dinners at Buckingham Palace. (Tom Gearty, Washington)

Five Guys named Zoe - Here's the new group of nominees. (Carl Yaffe, Silver Spring)

Goys in the Military - controversy that rocked the Israeli armed forces. (Harry Richardson, Laurel)

Arsenic Hall -- Poison-tongued talk-show host (Carin C. Quinn, Gaithersburg)

Vaya Con Dior - a farewell blessing among the very stylish. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Bomb Dole - he's got a short fuse. (Jon Miller, Dumfries)

The White House Press Corpse - George Stephanopoulos. (Brad Cooper and Paul Sparta, McLean)

A Place Called Nope - Bill Clinton's Washington. (Peter A. Molinaro, Oakton)

The Washington Past - newspaper living on Watergate reputation. (Dick Marvin, Burke)

Don't Halve a Cow - the motto of the anti-vivisection society. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Gesundheil - the involuntary spastic salute during a sneeze. (Tom Crites, Gaithersburg)

The Goodyear Blip - Clinton's honeymoon with Congress. (Paul Sparta, McLean)

Anais Nun - repentant sensualist. (Jim Todhunter, Silver Spring)

Have a nice dad - sperm bank slogan. (Les Greenblatt, Washington)

Barney Hubble - Famed thinker who asked, "Is Bedrock expanding at a constant velocity?" (J. Preston Sparrer, Charlottesville)

Mr. Id - Catherine the Great's favorite mount. (Chuck and Mary Lou Smith, Woodbridge)

And last:

Style Invitational T-Shirk - attempt to shame Style Invitational editors into coughing up a promised prize for the Week 6 runner-up from Glenn Dale. (Rick von Behren, Glenn Dale)

Next Week: Comic Relief